Ryde’s Fake Mayor Makes Important ‘Scatman’ Disclosure

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Top 10 Songs To Mark Lobbyist/Mayor Bill Pickering’s Red Bathrobe Encore


We interrupt our deep sleep to update you on the latest efforts by (retired) Major Shamateur* that are “Taking Us For A Ryde” (pun intended) as he persists with a desperate crusade to impose a twin (or more)-towered monstrosity on Ryde’s civic precinct, regardless of what ratepayers think.

This is an inspirational story of determination, focus, ‘world’s best practice’ in dirty politics and a man on a mission to make the world aware of an impending crisis in human rights abuses against property developers. Hugo Halliday, our conflicted but resourceful superstar reporter, threw together this report.

As a lobbyist that’s mainly serviced property developers, Bill Pickering is well aware of the struggles and the discrimination they face on multiple fronts, even when trying to make a valuable contribution to the community – like a high-rise residential tower or 10.

(* For details on why we’ve chosen the ceremonial name of Major Shamateur in this piece refer to the section subtitled ‘As Popular Bowel Cancer: No Local Support? No Worries’)

Picko Picks: Songs To Celebrate A Lobbyist Turned Mayor

We drew upon our global editorial resources to assemble a compilation of songs are most relavant to the personal story of Ryde’s new leader by miscarriage.

In number one spot is a song that carries some sentimental value for Pickering.

Its title, ‘Shamateur’ kicked off an ultra-marathon of rage and malicious dummy spitting by Pickering, angered to be given such an honest one-word character assessment by John Booth, editor of local newspaper, The Weekly Times.

#1 Shamateur

This track by pop-electro group Viola, is titled with the same word the The Weekly Times used to describe lobbyist Bill Pickering in his early days as a councillor. So it has a certain sentimental value. That explains the ‘Shamateur’ part of Pickering’s ceremonial title in today’s article, as part of our conribution to community celebrations. The preceding ‘Major’ acknowledges his military obsession, including saving the planet from an invasion by Shariah Law-abiding aliens, the kind of thing he’ll rants about with remarkable proficiency – with no segue too difficult. In fairness without army analogies or war talk sprinkled throughout his rarely-read blog, it’s hard to imagine he’d want to traverse other topic areas and risk revealing deals or relationships he’s kept under the radar that he thinks no one’s noticed. The lyrics by Viola are cryptic, but those resonating most are: “shamateur, you got what you deserved,” which many decent Ryde people hope they’ll be able to recite to their number one local shamateur, in person, soon.

2. No Lies

An  80s classic by the SOS Band that best represents what the Ryde Community wants from anyone that is given the privilege of leading their city – but from Major Shamateur, it seems sadly, they cannot ever seem to get it. , especially on the issue of the Civic Centre redevelopment fiasco. Only recently, local resident and Newcastle University Professor John Smolders reached the point where he’d had enough of had enough which has become far too personal which ultimately leads to his whole campaign for this disaster simply not passing the sniff test.

3. Barbie Girl

Even though Auburn Council media badboy Salim Mehajer has nothing on Major Shamateur, this is the mock video clip made for his notorious wedding celebrations using the tacky Acqua track ‘Barbie Girl’. It has important symbolism for those in solidarity, fighting for property developers’ privacy by not declaring relationships with them.

4. Shut Up

According to the latest available research, this song by The Black Eyed Peas will cross the mind of members of the public gallery at Ryde Council meetings at least once and up to 10 times, during cringeworthy rants by the Major Shamateur.

5. Dirty Cash

This is the ‘Sold Out Mix’ of 90s Stevie V track Dirty Cash – which I’m sure you’ll agree, goes to the heart of why the public does not trust dirty politicians  – especially those who claim they’re powered by god. You’ll especially see the relevance when you hear the words: “I want to get rich quick”.

6. Tacky

When you do one too many dirty political smear campaign and you are a redkneck bogan who puts yourself before the community, you will at some stage be seen as tacky. And Tacky is one of Wierd Al Yankovich’s more recent send up tracks. Perfect.

7. Corrupt

A track with a self-explanatory title, Corrupt was release by electro megastars, Depeche Mode in 2009. Nuff said.

8. Blurred Lines

This Robin Thicke song from 2013, Blurred Lines, is how a corrupt politician would see the hassle of having to reveal dodgy relationships to constituents. Meanwhile, constituents demand they know – there’s nothing blurred or ambiguous about it. If you’re hiding things from them it’s because you know the consequences – in a democracy anyway.

9. Like A Surgeon

Another Wierd Al Yankovich send up, this time of Madonna’s Like A Virgin. It’s a perfect track to help us remember the Shamateur’s staged knock-out – and within 10 minutes of it happening he had sent out a picture of himself, to all media, lying on a paramedics stretcher. He told journos that he expected to stay overnight for observation – but when he got to Ryde hospital, the medical certificate says there was absolutely nothing wrong with him and sent him home with instructions to take a Panadol if his fake pains persisted.

10. Don’t Lie

Another blockbuster from The Black Eyed Peas that reflects exactly what Ryde’s ratepayers collectively think almost every time Major Shamateur delivers his rants at council meetings, in public and (his party colleagues tell us) at caucus meetings – which are kind of naughty under local government legislation in NSW, where you can’t apparently have a binding caucus vote. But without them, how would we ever be able to celebrate the momentus achievements of Bill Pickering – who has made the transition from lobbyist to Mayor? Think about this for a minute – he would be ruthlessly forced into a democratic vote by ratepayers – and as he argues, it’s hard to see why they should have any sort of say in who leads their local administration, right?  yes?  no? (why are you frowning?)

“Bill Pickering rivals both Madonna and Prince when it comes to reinventing himself. His latest incarnation, DJ Picko, has seen him carry on unabated as a truth remixer and ethical illusionist. He brings hope to others that are completely unsuited to public office – for they know they too can now make the grade” – Hugo Halliday


As Popular Bowel Cancer: No Local Support? No Worries

If you’re not into political natter, now’s the time to get off the bus. Or you can hang around and be enlightened.

If there’s something Bill knows well, it’s the unarguable fact that he’s about as popular as bowel cancer and to become “mayor” when you don’t rate a blip in community approval is a big achievement.

He’s employed a simple strategy – make sure Ryde’s ratepayers have no say in it. He fought tooth and nail against a proposal to elect the mayor by popular vote, taking sleazy sanctuary in his more familiar habitat – the dark and dingy backroom.


The closest thing resembling a dark and dingy political caucus meeting scenario where Major Shamateur is most at home

There, he only has to dupe a handful of Liberal caucus members, not an entire community.

And Ryde Council’s meeting  minutes may well report a Mayoral election was carried out in mid-September according to the rules, transparently, in open session. Surely Major Shamateur won fair and square.

Right? Wrong.

The Dastardly Events No One Seems To Have Realised

Don’t forget the dastardly events in the few years leading up to this and his previous shock elevation, used to change numbers on council, which were 7-5 against his shambolic Civic Centre pet project after the 2012 elections.


Major Shamateur has accessed the control panel to fine tune the settings, the meter here indicates his regular output level

There’s been smear campaigning, for which he was embroiled in defamation action;  a disgraceful ICAC inquiry solely to eliminate political rivals and serious conflicts of interests – none of which have been disclosed – leading all the way to Macquarie Street.

Let’s hope some of the misinformation is dealt with when the DPP manages to finally get all the evidence ICAC’s hidden as two innocent men continue to face court over purely fictional claims related to the sham ICAC Ryde inquiry, that don’t pass the sniff test.

Postponing Sour Grapes

For now, we’ve put ruthless abuse of power and misuse of public resources to one side.

We’re here to celebrate Major Shamateur’s latest incarnation, ‘DJ Picko’.

He’s been dazzling large crowds of property developers with his signature “truth remixing” and regular acts of “ethical illusion”.  (Note: pic above from his last gig with imaginary fans).

You can just imagine the ‘Carnivale’ atmosphere that has kicked on in Ryde since Major Shamateur scored the red bathrobes, with celebrations ongoing since mid-September and spilling into the streets.

We’re feeling quite guilty at The Star Chamber Inquirer for getting to the party late, so in the spirit of DJ Picko’s new musical endeavours, we’ve assembled selection of tracks to get things buzzing again.

They’re from his upcoming compilation tribute album ‘Undisclosed’ which included his catchy new track “Help The Starving Children – With High Rise On Ryde’s Waterfront”.

Stay tuned for the fanfare when we launch that brilliant collection of musical artistry very soon.

Move over Salim… Coming Soon: A tribute to Pope Picko

Bill Pickering - the man who fought passionately for a hike in your rates and timidly proposed that rate payers pick up councillor litigation bills

Bill Pickering – the man who fought passionately for a hike in your rates and timidly proposed that rate payers pick up councillor litigation bills. He even gave  evidence against at an ICAC inquiry to protect all of us from his political rivals. Nice.

ICAC Takes Credit For Massive FIFA Corruption Bust


The NSW ICAC claims it was a critical player in the sensational FIFA arrests by US agency, the FBI, over massive-scale corruption.

It says the NSW Government should give it more funding so it can commission an advertising agency to showcase its achievements.

“Look, that’s just what we do at ICAC, we follow the legislation to a ‘t’ and ensure that we’re hot on the trail of “serious and systemic corrution” and FIFA is just one of those globally significant cases we’re handling at any one time,” a source in the sporting corruption area of the agency said.

“It’s incredible how it all came together. A few of the mothers in the office have kids that play soccer and one weekend, there must have been some unusually-deep conversation about corruption and hundreds of millions in bribes to people in an organisation they’d probably never heard of – but they knew it was soccer’s world ruling body.”

“Well, come Monday, all hell broke loose – we had four or five referrals of FIFA Corruption in the bag by 11am.”

According to our deepthroat, ICAC did a preliminary investigation based on what could be ascertained in the public domain and indeed, we found there was probably some funny FIFA business going on.

“But really, nothing that couldn’t be addressed by a series of our educational and preventative corruption workshops,” the source said.

“We passed on our opinion to the powers that be in the NSW Government and since we’ve heard nothing back, I think it can be safely assumed that ICAC’s authoritative global standing and its opinion there was ‘funny business going on” had to be the the catalyst for the FBI’s raids.” the source explained, adding that it’s what should be expected from a well-funded, organised anti-corruption body with a history of massive success.

“That’s why we’ve asked the NSW Government for another ten million dollars for this financial year, so we can stay on the cutting edge of corruption in this graft-riddled part of the world,” the source revealed.

“We need to commission an advertising campaign because we’re never given that much to spend on marketing. Or else we may have to cut back on the good work being done by our people in the Narrative Department.

“Politicians, and the public must understand this – we don’t have rules of evidence, so we can do anything we like to or with evidence. We can photoshop a green wig on the subject of surveillance.

“We – and only we – decide what so-called best practices we bring into our borders. Alright?!! You worthless piece of scum. Umm … sorry. I get so passionate at times.”

The source, laughed as he recalled a panicked NSW Premier Mike Baird being told one of the ramifications of the High Court’s recent Cunneen judgement, including ICAC being forced to apologise and compensate his predecessor and recommend his return to the leadership.

Former NSW Premier Fatty (pre-gastric banding) O’Barrell, fell on his sword after apparently forgetting that he received from a lobbyist, a bottle of wine worth an amount of money that would feed a small African nation for whole year.

Save Ryde believes there was something else big that ICAC promised not to reveal if he went straight away. Those revelations are believed to be linked  to ICAC’s current stadium-filling, life changing, global, balltearing Snack Pack inquiry.

The shocking ICAC exhibit in which the diversity of lollies at the heart of its latest inquiry were exposed (Image; ICAC)

The shocking ICAC exhibit in which the diversity of lollies at the heart of its Snack Pack inquiry were exposed (Image; ICAC)

“How do we avoid this? How do we keep that dropkick out?” the source recalled Premier Baird asking.

Big things came out of ICAC’s Snack Pack inquiry

“Which was followed like clockwork by our Legal Services Director handing him a ready-to-go text for retrospective legislation that just needed an urgent sitting of parliament to be passed.

“Politicians are all the same breed, our top secret internal manual shows you clear how to press their buttons and get your way every time. We really should make it available to developers and lobbyists for a few thousand dollars a pop. That could turn into a handy little supplement to operating cash.”

The former Premier has given the local wine industry an unexpected boost

The NSW Government know that every dollar invested in ICAC is money well-spent, the source said, adding the previous funding boost mid-fiscal year, by former NSW AG Greg Smith, was only enough to upgrade ICAC’s 12 participants in a ‘Corruption and Lifestyle’ conference in Monaco from Premium Economy to First.

Big things came out of ICAC’s Snack Pack inquiry (Image: Save Ryde)

“No seriously, our track record speaks for itself when it comes to unearthing the details that really matter. We brought down premiers, yes. And under the confidential MOU we have have the NSW Government, we get a big bonus for doing that, yes. But he deserved it fair and square,” the source told Save Ryde.

“How do you run a state when you can’t remember gifts like fancy wine and pens. For the battling families out there it’s not on.”

Dumped NSW Attorney General Greg Smith.

Dumped former NSW Attorney General Greg Smith – he played the tunes ICAC loved to “do the jig” to (PIC: BuggerifIKnow)

The source said that pending a reponse on its demand for extra funding, a recent ICAC executive meeting began exploring other revenue raising measures.

“I think we would be of obvious value to companies, political parties and other poltically-charged offices with a kind of masterclass on leaking and obfuscation – we’ve done it for years now and no one’s come after us and the public are none the wiser.’

One of ICAC's recent executive team meetings. ICAC's Code of Conduct precludes staff members from activities that could reveal their identity and expose snouts.

One of ICAC’s recent executive team meetings. ICAC’s Code of Conduct precludes staff members from activities that could reveal their identity and expose snouts.