Taking Us for A Ryde has obtained a leaked mock-up of Ryde #FakeMayor Bill Pickering’s election brochure for the September 9 council elections and the 2019 NSW state election.
The leaflet heralds a new political force to be reckoned with, with testimonials from The Muppets, legendary father of four and Greek-Australian fruit shop owner Con the Fruiterer and Real ‘Fake Tradie’, who has let his hair down since becoming famous at the 2016 Federal Election.
It’s understood Pickering didn’t make the deadline to register his ‘Property Developer Privacy Party’ after being dumped, along with side-kick Jane Stott, in a Liberal Party preselection contest and is running as an independent at the Ryde Council election.
Entertainment powerhouse, The Muppets, have privately been troubled by the growing tendency to use their stage name as an insult. But Kermit, Fossie Bear and Miss Piggy all agreed Bill Pickering was someone who deserved the derogatory “muppet” title and were happy to provide a collective, but brief, testimonial.
Con the Fruiterer, a household name in comedy television, made it big in the world of fruit and vegetables because of a preference for cash. That’s what caught his attention about Pickering. He loved cash too and was able to provide a smooth ride for Con when he submitted a DA for a high-rise, mixed-use building on top of his popular fruit and vegetable enterprise in a residential part of Ryde.
‘Fake Tradie’ has kept a low profile since coming to prominence at the 2016 Federal Election as an actor playing a tradie, that was backing the Liberal-National coalition. But thanks to plenty of practice in the art of mass deception, not many people know the Real ‘Fake Tradie’ has long red locks. He decided to come out of the woodwork to pay tribute to one of his favourite political ‘shamateurs’.
The Content Challenge
With no achievements throughout his controversial time on Ryde Council, the inside of Pickering’s leaflet was a challenge in terms of showcasing something that might appeal to electors.
But after much soul-searching, his strategists (who have a tough task polishing a turd) decided to do away with the boring old listr of achievements and instead, feature a slection of images that the lobbyist/councillor will be remebered for.
They include Pickering’s DJ alter-ego – DJ Picko – who has become synonymous with regular acts of “truth remixing” and “ethical illusion”; as commando and war hero who survived a gunshot wound to the buttocks in (retired) Colonel Pickering’s Army with Major Yobbo Robbo and Beverage Tester Stott; as Pope Picko, Ryde ratepayers’ saviour and recognised for world class rorts by North Korea’s supreme ruler, Kim Jong Un.
Pickering’s new political party will build on his track record of respecting the privacy of the property developers he covertly lobbies for, especially former clients of his lobbying firm Hugo Halliday and former clients of companies controlled by his former employees.
For now, he’ll be relying on the popularity of Stott, among her drinking partners at Putney Bowlo, in number one spot, while he’ll take number two, with a couple of morally oblivious randoms making up the numbers on a “How To Vote” brochure that Ryde’s ratepayers will find handy as emergency toilet paper.
Recently, Pickering has been promoting his post-Ryde Council career as the head of a new property body he set up, using his role as the city’s Mayor (by Miscarriage).
The Housing Supply Association was launched by his mate, Anthony Roberts, who is now NSW Minister for Planning, providing a great opportunity for Pickering to earn a likely six-figure salary as “consulting CEO” of the new body, to be run from the same address as his lobbying firm, Hugo Halliday.
With this arrangement conveniently circumventing lobbying rules and given the history of Roberts’ and Pickering’s bromance – going back to the days of Pickering giving Roberts a place to stay after a marriage break-up – it seems NSW is well and truly “open for business”.
Why bother with all that community engagement and planning paperwork, just take a shortcut through Pickering, who will gladly take possession of your “paperwork”.
Unless Premier Gladys Berejiklian wakes up and dumps Roberts into political obscurity, where he’d be better appreciated, the new joint venture should result in a cashed-up PDPP machine.
It’s a shot across the bow for incumbent Ryde MP, Liberal Victor Dominello and challenger, Labor’s Jerome Laxale, with the simple message: ‘Hey, I may be at the ass end of every Ryde popularity contest, but my mate Anthony Roberts helped me set up a new sham organisation, so I’ll have more brown paper bags to buy the votes I need. So nyaaaaa!”