While ICAC continues to regurgitate already-complete and more reliable investigative work by other bodies, sensational pictures have emerged of former PM Julia Gillard and expensive wine amnesiac Barry O’Farrell with an oversized Bertie Beetle bag, suggesting links to a Russian mafia confectionery racket.
It’s understood that ICAC is not yet aware of the sensational development that has emerged following its world-changing, wealth-redistributing, BBQ-stopping recent inquiry into Rural Fire Service snack packs that accidentally stumbled upon a major Russian Mafia-led racket in which wholesale Bertie Beetle suppliers were swamped with orders of the popular choc treat in what appears to have been a deliberate attempt to create disparity in the supply and demand of the product and force prices up through limited supply.
The sensational developments come just as ICAC adjourned it’s Block: Courthouse Renovations inquiry which has so far gone on for two weeks despite the Department of Justice haveing already carried out an investigation and thousands of corruption referrals to ICAC being rejected with the excuse of “sorry we’re busy!”
At first when the complete absence of Bertie Beetles in the Snack Packs was discovered, many in the ICAC office had jumped to lay blame on assistant commissioner Theresa Hamilton, who is understood to be without much to do due to an unexplained shortage of actual investigation work being carried out by the ICAC.
But Hamilton’s accusers have apparently apologised and admitted they were wrong. Anyway, we’re not here to talk about here – this is a big Bertie Beetle breaking story!
An unnamed source believed to be a regular at the favourite chicken shop of an ICAC investigator, with links to the Russian Mafia has confirmed the Bertie Beetles corrupt price destabilisation racket was the work of his Russian Mafia mates and offered to provide documentary evidence in support but was firmly told by the investigator that wasn’t necessary as “ICAC has no rules of evidence” and even if he hadn’t disclosed the information, someone in the office “would have eventually made it up”.
“Look we do those kinds of things all the time. Lately it’s got to the point where, just to mix things up a bit and make it exciting, we’ve got the ICAC equivalent of a footy sweep going in the office,” a source at the anti-corruption watchdog told Save Ryde.
“Basically, the game is that we’re meant to come up with the most ridiculous theories and logic on which to base our investigations.
“That’s when the science comes in – you’ve got to pick exactly the right time to announce it, pick the time that there’s a peak level of public apathy, you also need to ramp up the complexity to ensure no one will want to read the report and also place key conclusions somewhere towards the back of the document to minimise the potential for scrutiny.”
The ICAC deepthroat – speaking on the condition that we might some time help him character assassinate fellow public servants competing for pay upgrades – said the practice sounded risky but secrecy powers ensured much of the incompetence of staff “never saw the light of day”.
“We did a test run recently in which we made ridiculous claims against a bunch of Ryde councillors and their sympathisers, went out of our way to show there was tampering of the system and even delivered a report that if anyone read, proved we were having a lend, but the public two years on hasn’t even noticed,” the source said.
“Far out, we even gave one of the most notorious newspaper splash whores at the SMH the story, with obvious glaring things that needed fact-checking, but he came through with flying colours and an exceptional dollop of front page misinformation.”
Manufacturers of Bertie Beetle product said they unable to round up enough underaged, underpriveleged orphans to boost manufacturing activity in its unregulated south-east Asian sweatshops to ramp up production in an effort to fill the void.
Meanwhile, the picture of O’Farrell and Gillard has been widely branded by left and right wing commentators alike, as “not a good look”.
Another picture shows O’Farrell and Gillard gleefully reflecting on their suspected windfall, the source of which we still do not know. And incredibly, a third pic is believed to show the pair signing a Federal and NSW procurement deal for an undisclosed number of premium-priced Bertie Beetles which are believed to be earmarked for distribution to primary and secondary schools across NSW and potentially Victoria and Queensland.