Stock Market Shock Averted As ICAC Snack Pack Probe Unearths Bertie Beetle Scam



Update – 1545 hrs, 5th June, 2015

Due to the the worldwide potential ramifications of ICAC’s present inquiry, we’ve decided to update you more regularly with all the latest developments. Yesterday, we reported that nobody gave a rat’s about ICAC’s Snack Pack inquiry in which it was getting down and dirty, with millions of public dollars, examining the many ins and outs of the Rural Fire Service’s volunteer Snack Packs and the mind-boggling permutations when you mix and match some of Australia’s favourite nibbles.

It’s yet another example of ICAC’s collective wisdom oft its rocket scientists within, that it chose this to investigate – rather than the billions dollar, Barry O’Farrell, Barangaroo development approvals type of thing – among the 3,000-plus referrals of corruption it receives every year.

Barangaroo – where is it anyway? No one can relate to that and let’s face it, a bit of a waterfront, high-roller, high rise casino never hurt anyone! Seriously though, its probably something no one could relate to, so not a good idea.

RFS Snack Packs though – everyone can relate to the contents. Things like Nut Delight, biscuit and cheese snack, multi-coloured lifesavers, Wagon Wheels. We all know ’em and love ’em. So what could be better than shining a light into this and revealing some dirty little secrets?

Anyway, at 9.30pm there wasn’t much of a change: Still no one was giving a flying fettuccine about the earth-shattering event in its hearing rooms. No more coverage since the opening day – even long time ICAC apologist, The Sydney Morning Herald, could find room for it in briefs.


The shocking ICAC exhibit in which the diversity of lollies at the heart of its latest inquiry were exposed (Image; ICAC)

The shocking ICAC exhibit in which the diversity of lollies at the heart of its latest inquiry were exposed (Image; ICAC)

“In ICAC’s media room, the mood was sombre – because no one was in it”

Russian Mafia Stockpiling Feared, Potential Price Hike On Bertie Beetle Showbag

Imagine you’re a rock star with a big glittery guitar and you slid out onto the stage to find no one was there.

That’s what it’s been like for ICAC each day of this week for its Snack Pack inquiry as news outlets continued a blackout prompted by insurance companies refusing to cover them in the event a news report “caused unforeseen world events, economic or otherwise”.

In ICAC’s media room, the mood was sombre – because no one was in it.

There was plenty of action regardless, as ICAC’s exhibits slowly painted a detailed picture of some of Australia’s most popular lollies caught up in organised crime cartel behaviour.

Although not included in ICAC’s transcripts online evidence exhibits, it’s believed the Russian mafia may be stockpiling Bertie Beetles to place upward pressure on wholesale prices ahead of next year’s Sydney Royal Easter Show, which in turn would impact upon the price of the popular Bertie Beetle showbag.

Earlier fears the Bertie Beetle effect would send share prices tumbling were avoided when a regional Russian mafia boss for Australia agreed to release enough stock to cover expected Bertie Beetle demand in Sydney during the economic quarter covering next year’s Easter  Show.

Attempts to contact a Bertie Beetle spokesperson at confectionery company  Wonka, were unsuccessful.







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